SIDELINE

After sex with a college coed...

MAYOR: "How much?"

COED: "P200 lang, Sir."

MAYOR: "Ha? How can you survive with just P200?"

COED: "My sideline naman ako, Sir."

MAYOR: "Anong sideline mo?"

COED: "Blackmail, Sir."

CONFIDENT & CONFIDENTIAL

ANAK: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?

AMA: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

NAGHIRAP NA

Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain. Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.

Pedro: Baligtad yata?

Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!

DAVID LETTERMAN's TOP 10

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President By David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW (Big Mean Wife), and an MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the picture of the Last Supper?

6. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won't respond to "psst...psst" .

4. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase a karaoke machine for every room in the White House.

2. State dinners do not allow "TakeHome".

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS...

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

USE IN A SENTENCE

IF YOU ARE A PINOY, ONLY A PINOY WILL GET THESE...

USE EACH WORD IN A SENTENCE

SCHOOLING (phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?

AFFECT Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.

PAUL (4 times) PAUL, be carePAUL, you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.

DELETION The balat of DELETION is crispy.

PAMPERS and PAPERS At the gas station, some people PAMPERS and some PAPERS.

TENACIOUS I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS.

IRAQ , EGYPT , and IRAN I threw IRAQ at EGYPT and then IRAN .

DEFLATE Can you please wash DEFLATE for me?

PERSUADING Jack and Jill got married on Nov. 1, 1997. So on Nov. 1, 1998, they are going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.

DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE; first DEFEAT, and then DETAIL.

DEVASTATION Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION.

HINDI UMASA SA ASAWA

Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!

Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang ang inasahan ko, hindi mangyayari yan!

IDAD NI MISIS

MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?

MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang,
kung nakatalikod 16 lang,
kung sa kutis 22 lang.
Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.

LOVING, THROUGH THE YEARS

1950s - Iniirog kita.

1960s - Iniibig kita.

1970s - Minamahal kita.

1980s - I love you.

1990s - Tara sa kwarto.

2000s - Pwede na rito.

SA ISANG KASALAN...

PARI: "Ikaw lalake ang haligi ng tahanan at ikaw babae ang ilaw ng tahanan."

ISA SA DUMALO: "E, Padre ano ako."

PARI: "Sino ka ba?"

ISA SA DUMALO: "Biyenan."

PARI: "Ikaw ang anay ng tahanan..."